Schandorf Writes: My worst experience as a wedding MC; remembering the groom who ‘cheated’ in the washroom

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How do you feel when you’re looking forward to a ‘big day’ in your life? For some, they become restless and lost in the excitement.

Others also respond in fear and panic. Depending on your personality, you may even react differently to the two possibilities I’ve highlighted. So how did Doreen [name is fictional] feel a few weeks to her wedding? …

Well, my high school friend was basking in what was obviously an unquenchable spree of joy. When she called to ask me to emcee her wedding reception, I sensed her jubilant mood.

Doreen was so excited that, she offered to pay twice for my services. Under the current economic circumstances, I quickly sent her my mobile money number for the first tranche of payment; just in case she changed her mind.

Now guess what? Instead of the initial 70% payment, she sent me the full 100%! Wow! Doreen was happy indeed! Realising her mood and expectations, I purposed in my heart to give my very best at the Dove Arena [venue is fictional] – the venue for Doreen’s wedding reception.

Soon, the day finally came, and I was poised to create lasting memories for my old classmate. Arriving at the church premises, I met a beautiful bevvy of ladies, colourfully lined up as her maids of honour. Doreen herself was adorned in sparkling colours, with her face beaming with smiles.

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The proceedings at the church were brief and very ‘classy’. Unlike most Ghanaian weddings, the minister did not dance around the couple with long sermons. The priest who officiated Doreen’s wedding simply gave us a ‘quickie’. The dude was so fast that, everything ended in exactly 2 hours.

All of us, including Doreen’s parent’s, were pleased with his style, and together, we all found our way to the Dove Arena for the real deal – the wedding reception. Come and see ‘MC Schandorf’ in action.

The microphone the sound technician handed over to me was very good! It sounded as though I were speaking on the radio. As a corporate emcee, anytime the sound quality is perfect, I become so overwhelmed that I could even decide to walk away without taking my money. But that couldn’t happen in this case because Doreen had already paid me; twice for that matter!

Out of that sum, I had gotten myself a bespoke suit and a classic men’s shoe which made me very comfortable in my feet. Overall, I felt good in my skin, and I guess that energy was translated to my audience as well. How did I know this?

Well, I deciphered from the subtle and overt reactions of the guests. Some of the ladies wore broad smiles while looking in my directions; while the ‘big men’ who had been invited by Doreen’s husband gave very affirmative nods. In all, the atmosphere was a pleasant one.

30 minutes into the event, it was now time for dinner to be served. With good music in the background and the protocol team directing the queue, my workload was minimised. As a result, I rushed to the washroom.

Just before I unzipped, I heard a voice in the next toilet cubicle. The voice was a very familiar one. Upon a careful listen, I realised that it was Doreen’s husband who was on the phone with another lady. What were they talking about?

Apparently, the lady was his ex-girlfriend. She was aggrieved about the entire wedding and was venting her spleen in that regard. One would have thought that since Fiifi [name fictional] was now married to Doreen, he would have ignored the rants of his ex-girlfriend. But no! He didn’t do that. He entertained her misgivings and rather pacified her anger with very soothing words.

He assured his ex that, his marriage with Doreen was not out of love, and that he accepted to marry Doreen because of her family’s fortune. Oh my God! I was shocked to the bone!

As he continued to calm his agitated lover, he opened his toilet cubicle and came to stand in front of the mirror before the two cubicles. At this point, he kept on saying many things which would have obviously pierced Doreen if she heard them.

While their conversation progressed, I was still in the washroom, perplexed and lost in thoughts. Exiting was not a good idea, because I didn’t want Fiifi to notice my presence. As a result, I was confined to the walls of the washroom, while Fiifi continued his flirtatious talks. Then suddenly, my phone started vibrating. It was Doreen. Apparently, I was being needed to come and continue my job as the master of ceremony.

Meanwhile, here I was; locked up in a toilet cubicle because I didn’t want the cheat, to know that, I was privy to his infidelity. But Doreen wouldn’t also stop calling. A real dilemma it was!

Finally, Fiifi ended the call with his ex and left the place. Pheww! I felt relieved! Immediately, I rushed to the reception grounds to moderate the rest of the proceedings. I saw the look of displeasure on Doreen’s face, but she couldn’t see the pain in my heart. The only thing both of us saw was the smiles on Fiifi’s face.

Grabbing the microphone, I steered the house in the cutting of the cake, and the popping of the champagnes accordingly. Fiifi was joyful and so was Doreen. What she didn’t know was that she had married a gold digger, who was out to play her.

When all was said and done, I felt an urge to tell my good friend about what had happened. But on a second thought, I decided to be professional and mute my sentiments. After all, I was paid to only emcee! Consequently, I apologised to Doreen for my absence during the event. Amazingly, Fiifi was also present when I rendered the apology. But he didn’t know I heard everything he said.

However, I still couldn’t tell Doreen, and as of the time of writing this, I learn she’s still with Fiifi in France. I just hope all is well. But here’s the point; make sure you exercise a lot of discretion and good judgement before you marry. Because the ‘Fiifi’s‘ of this world abounds. They are everywhere. But with God, your story can be different.

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The author of this fictional adaptation is a writer, a corporate emcee and a journalist with the Multimedia Group. You can reach him on 0273141821 or 0547954794.

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